I stood in the church foyer waiting for a mate who’d said he was coming. He didn’t turn up. I was so discouraged. And then I thought, “This is how people in my church feel.”

When I became lead pastor, our church wasn’t reaching people. I realised fairly quickly that if I didn’t change, nothing was going to change in the church. But how do you make friends outside church when your week is already full of meetings, pastoral care and Sunday prep?

Julie-anne Laird, who spent two decades in university student ministry, gave me an answer I love: start with something you already enjoy. Show up often enough to get to know people, pay attention to the friendship, and let conversations about faith grow without trying to force them.

Key Takeaways

• Look for friendships in places you already go and activities you already enjoy.
• Let your church see you learning to share your faith, including the awkward bits.
• Keep showing up for friends even when they turn down an invitation.
• Give people room to practise talking about Jesus without piling on guilt.
• Keep evangelism part of church life at a pace people can sustain.

Start With Something You Already Enjoy

Julie-anne’s pastor realised he didn’t have any non-Christian friends. He loved rugby, so he became a rugby coach. His co-coach was an atheist. They had a reason to turn up in the same place week after week, and over time a friendship grew.

What do you love doing anyway?
— Julie-anne Laird

If your kids play basketball, that might be where you stay and talk instead of dropping them off and leaving. The point is to notice who’s already around you. If you’re an overwhelmed pastor, adding a whole new commitment may be unrealistic. Start with somewhere you already turn up.

Let Your Church See You Learning

Julie-anne looked forward to hearing how her pastor’s conversation with his co-coach had gone the day before. She laughed as she told me he didn’t start off particularly strong. But she watched his confidence grow and heard the friendship find its way into his preaching, nearly every week for a time.

I feel like we all grew through that.
— Julie-anne Laird

She remembered how evangelism rallies once gave Christians a chance to hear people explain the gospel clearly. A course can still give people that practice. And when a pastor tells the church about a real conversation, people get to hear what it sounds like when someone is still learning. I’ve shared a few ways to get started in my guide to personal evangelism for non-evangelists.

Stay Friends After the Invitation

When I realised I needed to change, I started getting to know my barber and a bloke down the road. He was a self-evident Aussie bogan, well outside my usual lane. Over time we built a great friendship. He even came to Di’s 40th birthday party with a six-pack. Some of my friends weren’t thrilled to see him popping cans in the corner. I thought it was funny.

Later I invited him to church. He said he’d come, and there I was in the foyer waiting for him. That no-show was discouraging, but it gave me something real to say to people who’d had the same experience. If a friend does accept an invitation, it’s also worth thinking about what first-time visitors encounter on a Sunday.

You don’t want your friends to think they’re a project.
— Julie-anne Laird

If a friend keeps saying no, give the invitations a rest. You can still enjoy their company and care about what’s happening in their life.

Give People Practice Instead of More Guilt

When Julie-anne visits a church, she asks people how they think they’re going with evangelism on a scale of one to ten. She told me that in the churches where she asks, the answer she usually hears is two or three.

Most people in the pew feel like they’re failing at evangelism.
— Julie-anne Laird

We give people training to lead a Bible study. We can also give them room to practise explaining what they believe or to talk through an invitation that felt awkward. Pastors have told Julie-anne they’ve said similar things for years and that hearing it from someone outside their church helped it click. That’s one reason to consider her Ripple Effect evangelism training.

Find the Goldilocks Pace for Your Church

Julie-anne compared evangelism to driving a car. A church can floor the accelerator for a week or a year and exhaust everyone. When they take their foot right off, the car comes to a stop. She saw both extremes in student ministry.

You can have too much evangelism, but you can also have not enough.
— Julie-anne Laird

I called it the Goldilocks approach. A conference can fire up a leader to go 100 kilometres an hour, but can the church keep going at that pace? It can help to see how another congregation worked through renewing its focus on mission in its own context. Your church might have seasons when you put in extra effort, but what will keep the conversation going in an ordinary month?

Take One Step Outside the Church Bubble

One of Julie-anne’s strongest points was that everyday Christians are already spending time with people who don’t share their faith. Pastors can lose sight of what that’s like when most of our own conversations are with church people.

Everyday Christians are on the front line.
— Julie-anne Laird

Look at your calendar this week. Is there somewhere you could stay a bit longer and get to know someone? For Julie-anne’s pastor it was rugby. For me it started with my barber and a neighbour. If you’re looking for a first step, go back to the question she asked: what do you love doing anyway?

FAQs

How can pastors make friends outside church?
I’d start with a place you already go or an activity you already enjoy. Show up regularly and get to know people over time.

What is a third place for personal evangelism?
It’s somewhere outside home and work where you regularly cross paths with other people. A sports club or the basketball sidelines are two examples.

What if a friend declines an invitation to church?
Keep being their friend. If they’ve said no several times, give the invitations a rest and let them know by how you treat them that you value the friendship.

How can a church build confidence in evangelism?
Tell honest stories about what you’re learning, let people practise in a low-pressure setting, and keep talking about it at a pace the church can sustain.